Shaking Toxic Negativity: My Journey to a Positive Mindset

Georgie @ 13 – One of my first memories about my negativity was at Camp Capers.  We played a tag game where we held hands and ran around.  Of course, like a typical teen, I began to complain.  It was hot.  Really hot.  Hot like only Texas in the summer can get.  I don’t know if it was the tenth or hundredth time that I mentioned the heat, when my camp counselor said, “you complaining about the heat makes all of us miserable.”  This taught me a lesson: negativity is contagious.  

Georgie @ 22 – Before we were released to student teaching, our professors warned us about the Lounge Lizards – teachers who would hang out in the Teachers’ Lounge and complain about the students, the school district and other staff members.  Some professors forbade us to eat lunch in the Teachers’ Lounge, probably thinking that the negativity would corrupt our novice ears and forever turn us to stone.  Do you know why there is no Stepford Wives spin-off about teaching?  Because it is too far-fetched. Even the most talented science-fiction writers and directors cannot imagine a drug, operation or robot that would make a teacher free from strong emotion.  Because we deal with people – students, bosses, colleagues – avoiding negativity is impossible.

I spent years complaining, spreading negative gossip, and judging people.  I did this with my family, friends and at work.  It was a trigger response.  This is a surprise to people who know me now.  It’s a characteristic that I’ve kept hidden for almost twenty years.  I rarely indulge in this type of negativity now.  

 How did I shake my own toxic negativity?

1. Other people’s negativity started making me paranoid.  If we get a thrill about sharing gossip and saying mean things about others, when and where does it stop?  Are they getting a thrill about saying things about me? Take Away: Maintain friendships that grow with authentic connections and fun experiences. Avoid relationships that thrive on gossip and complaining.
2. My own negativity began impacting my morale.  Persistent negativity impacts the climate of the entire building.  While the school climate is important, it’s hard to drive to work when you are miserable.  When your morale is low, it is hard to distinguish if the problem is work or you.  I had to look in the mirror and realize that I am a component in my own misery. Take Away: You can’t change anyone but yourself. Be realistic about work challenges without drowning in negativity.
3. Having children changed my perspective.  Nothing makes you feel more incompetent and out-of-control than being a parent.  It is hard from the start, and it never stops.  Children are disrespectful, messy and sassy.  You could really focus on the negative until they put their arms around you, or take their first steps or sing a song in that sweet voice.  You quickly realize that in addition to being terrible, they are clever and funny.  Take Away: Surround yourself with people that make you happy. Celebrate their beauty until that is your focus.

Georgie Now – I am not judging. It would be a lie to say that I am completely cured of my negativity.  I still indulge every now and then.  I am human after all.  These days, I try to reserve negativity for when I can attach it to a joke; after all, most bad habits are tolerated if your timing is right.